Pehea e hui ai i ka poʻe i kahi kūlanakauhale hou, e like me ka wahine i hana maoli

Hiki ke hoʻohauʻoli i ka neʻe ʻana i kahi kūlanakauhale hou — koe wale no ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e haʻalele ʻoe i nā mea āpau āu e ʻike ai e pili ana i ke ola, mai kāu pūnaewele o nā hoaaloha āpau i kāu ʻike o ka lōʻihi o ke kiʻi ʻana i kahi hale kūʻai kokoke loa. Hele hou ka hale kūʻai? Maʻalahi ka hana. ʻO ka hana ʻana i mau hoaaloha i ke kūlanakauhale hou kahi e waiho ai ka pilikia.

Hoʻokomo paha ʻoe i loko. Loaʻa paha iā ʻoe kahi papa hana hana ʻoi loa. Malia paha ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka pili aloha a hiki i kou ʻike ʻana he 100 pākēneka i noho a wehe ʻia. Nānā ʻole i ke kumu, pono e hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe iho i ka mea maʻamau e like me kāu e lawe ai i kēia hana: ʻO ka hui ʻana i nā poʻe hou he manawa a me ka hoʻoikaika.



Ke hiki mai i ka hālāwai ʻana me nā hoaaloha hou i kekahi kūlanakauhale hou, pono ʻoe e hoʻomanawanui me ʻoe iho, wahi a Shasta Nelson, ka loea hoaaloha a me ka mea kākau o Pili aloha . Ua puka kahi noiʻi i ka makahiki i hala i nīnau mai iā mākou pehea ka lōʻihi o ka manawa ma mua o ka manaʻo he hoa mākou me kekahi. Hōʻike mākou he 50 mau hola e hele ai mai ka hālāwai ʻana me kahi malihini e lilo i mau hoaaloha maʻamau me kēlā kanaka a 80 a 100 mau hola e lilo i mau hoaaloha maoli. Ma hope o kēlā, pono ʻoe e kālele ma kahi o 200 mau hola e manaʻo ai he hoaaloha maikaʻi kekahi. ʻIke nō, ʻokoʻa nā helu e pili ana i ke kanaka, akā he hoʻomanaʻo maikaʻi ia e hoʻomohala ʻia ka pilina, ʻaʻole i ʻike ʻia.



I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke manaʻo e pae ma kahi pōʻai kaiapuni-hou i ka pō. Hoʻohui ʻo Nelson i kēia ʻālelo aʻoaʻo: He mea nui e nānā i ka mea liʻiliʻi e like me ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi waiwai kahi e loiloi ai i ka poʻe a ʻike hou aʻe ma ke ʻano he ulu. E hoʻokomo wale ʻoe i ka manawa.

No laila, pehea ʻoe e hoʻomaka ai? Kamaʻilio mākou me nā wahine maoli i hana i kēlā mea - haʻalele i kā lākou hui hoaaloha e neʻe i kahi kūlanakauhale hou a loaʻa nā pilina hou a koʻikoʻi hoʻi i ka hana. Maʻaneʻi, kā lākou ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo e pili ana i ka pehea e hui pono ai i nā hoaaloha hou a hele i waho o kāu wahi hōʻoluʻolu ke hele ʻoe i kahi hou.

Pili: Nīnau: ʻO wai ke kūlanakauhale ʻo U.S. Pono ʻoe e noho ai?



wahine i ke kamaʻilio ʻana ʻO Thomas Barwick / Getty Images

1. Hoʻomaka i kahi kamaʻilio a ʻae i nā kono

I ka neʻe ʻana o Julie me kāna kāne i Wakinekona, DC, ua hopohopo ʻo ia no ke kūkulu hou ʻana i kāna hui hoa aloha no ka mea ua manaʻo ʻo ia iā ia iho he introvert a homebody. Akā ua maopopo iā ia e pōʻino ʻo ia i ka holo lōʻihi inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e hoʻāʻo. ʻIke wau he paʻakikī a ʻano ʻē a paʻakikī kekahi manawa, akā ʻaʻohe mea e hiki ke heluhelu i kou noʻonoʻo, no laila ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike i kāu mau hoihoi a i ʻole inā loaʻa iā ʻoe nā mea like inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e kamaʻilio, wehewehe ʻo ia. Ma ke ʻano he ʻāpana o kēlā, pono ʻoe e ʻoluʻolu e lilo iā ʻoe iho. I koʻu wā ʻōpio - a ʻoiai wau e noho ana ma NūIoka ma mua o kaʻu neʻe ʻana - hopohopo nui wau i ka loaʻa ʻana o ke kaila kūpono a me nā manaʻo kūpono a me ka ʻono kūpono. I kēia manawa, ʻoluʻolu wau me nā mea e hōʻike maoli ai ʻo wai lā wau. ʻOi aku ka maʻalahi o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e hana i nā pilina maoli ke kau ʻia kēlā mau mea ma ka papa ʻaina.

2. E nānā iā Facebook a me Reddit Communities

ʻO nā polokalamu hoaaloha — e like me Peanut — he ala maikaʻi loa ia e hana ai i nā pilina, akā mai hoʻowahāwahā i nā ala uila ʻē aʻe i ʻoi aku i kēlā me kēia lā, wahi a Julie. He wahi maikaʻi loa lākou e launa pū ai me ka poʻe i like ka hoihoi, wehewehe ʻo ia. ʻO nā mea hāʻawi maʻamau a pau e ʻike i kekahi i kekahi ma ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i nā mea āpau o ka hoihoi like a me ka hapa nui o nā pūʻulu aʻu e komo nei i kēia manawa ua lana ka manaʻo o ka hui ʻana i nā kūlanakauhale like ʻole ma kahi kiko a i ʻole. ʻO kahi pōmaikaʻi ʻē aʻe? ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hui lehulehu lehulehu ma mua o ka hui ʻana o 1: 1, ʻaʻole wale nō ka palekana, akā ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ke kaomi ʻana i ke kamaʻilio.

Nā wikiō pili

wahine me ka hoaaloha waina Nā kiʻi Hero / kiʻi kiʻi Getty

3. E noi i kahi ʻike hou ma kahi lā aloha

I ka neʻe ʻana o Erin i kona ʻohana i Kikako, ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia ua pono maoli ʻo ia e hoʻokuʻi iā ia iho i laila - a hōʻike i nā hoʻolālā - i mea e hoʻāʻo ai i ka wai me nā poʻe āna i launa ai. Ke hiki ʻoe i kāu 30, he ʻike paha kāu ma ke ʻano he luna kānāwai o ke ʻano a hiki ke ʻike koke inā he kemika ma waena o ʻolua, wahi a ia. ʻO ia ke kumu e koi ai iā ia e hana maoli i nā hoʻolālā-e like me ke kau ʻana i kekahi mea ma ka kalena kahi e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke launa pū hoʻokahi me ka ʻole o nā mea hoʻohuli. Paipai pū ʻo ia e hāʻawi i ka hālāwai i kekahi mau hoʻāʻo inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻopaʻa koke i ka hang-mua. Ma hope paha o ʻekolu hui ʻana, ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole kēia ka BFF āu e ʻimi nei a pono ʻoe e neʻe. Akā pono ʻoe e hāʻawi i ka pilina i kekahi manawa e ulu a ulu aʻe ma kahi o ka hoʻokolokolo ʻana i ke kanaka mai ka ʻōpeʻapeʻa.

4. Hoʻohui i kahi Pūnaewele ʻoihana a i ʻole Volunteer

Wahi a nā wahine he nui a mākou i kamaʻilio ai, he manaʻo lele nui kēia i ka wā e hui ai me nā hoaaloha hou. Ke alakaʻi nei kekahi makuahine i ka pūʻali koa Girl Scout a kāna kaikamahine — kahi mea āna i manaʻo ʻole ai e hana. Ua loaʻa kekahi mea i kahi ʻoihana ʻoihana no kāna ʻoihana — kālā — a hele i kahi mea kāwili e hoʻāʻo ai e loaʻa ka manawa he alo a he alo me nā wahine manaʻo like. Kōkua ia e hoʻokomo iā ʻoe iho i kahi hanana e hana nei i kahi mea āu e makemake nui ai, e wehewehe i ka makuahine e alakaʻi ana i ka pūʻali Girl Scout. Loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi mea like mai ka hele ʻana, no laila, no laila ke kahe maoli nei ke kamaʻilio ʻana ma mua o ka mea inā ʻoe e hele ana i ka wā inu i ka hola hauʻoli ma kahi pā.

wahine ma ke keʻena e kamaʻilio ana ʻO Thomas Barwick / Getty Images

5.… A i ʻole Pūnaewele ma ka Hana

I ka manawa i lawe ai kahi loli hana iā Jennifer i Florida, ua koho ʻo ia e hui pū me nā hui extracurricular a me nā hana i loko o kāna keʻena ponoʻī. (ʻAe, he mea kēlā!) Ma ka hana, ua hui pū au i hoʻokahi ton o nā hui pūnaewele me nā hoihoi e kūlike me aʻu - ka pūnaewele o nā mākua, ka pūnaewele wahine, ka papahana ʻōmaʻomaʻo o ka pā kula, PRIDE a me ka pūnaewele Hispanic / Latino hoʻoilina, ʻo ia wahi a. ʻAʻole wale kēia e kōkua iaʻu mai ka ʻoihana, ʻo kēia mau ʻoihana āpau e hana i nā wahi i waho a me nā papahana kaiāulu e ʻae iaʻu e hoʻolilo i ka manawa kūpono ma waho o ka hana me nā poʻe manaʻo like. Hoʻohui ʻo Jennifer ʻaʻole nō ia e hilahila i kāna mau pono i kēia kau. Maʻalahi like ia, 'E, ua neʻe wale wau ma aneʻi a ʻike ʻole i kahi ʻuhane, no laila inā makemake kekahi e kiʻi kope a kamaʻilio e pili ana Kēkelē laʻa i Paradise , ka poʻe Yankee a i ʻole nā ​​kamaliʻi ma ke ʻano he poʻe hoʻoweliweli, i hahau iaʻu. 'Pane ka poʻe i ke kuhikuhi pololei - a me ka hoʻomākeʻaka, akā e pili ana i ka wehe a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo.

6. Kākau inoa i kahi papa maʻamau

ʻO ʻoe kahi ala punahele e decompress i kou kūlanakauhale i hala kahi papa yoga kakahiaka kakahiaka Pōʻaono. A i ʻole manaʻo paha ʻoe e kiʻi i kahi mākau hou, e like me Palani. (Ua lawe ʻoe iā ia i ke kula kiʻekiʻe a haʻo iā ia, ma hope o nā mea āpau.) He ala maikaʻi loa kēia e hui ai me nā poʻe hou ke neʻe hou ʻoe, wahi a Sarah, ka mea i neʻe wale aku i Maine, no ka hana pū kekahi. ʻO ia ke kūlike o ka hālāwai, keu hoʻi inā e kīloi ʻoe i ke kālā no ka hana āu e hoʻāʻo nei e aʻo, wehewehe ʻo ia. Ua hoʻāʻo maoli wau i kahi papa hana noʻeau i koʻu neʻe ʻana i aneʻi — he mea ma waho loa o koʻu hale kaʻa huila. ʻO ka mea hou o nā mea āpau i hoʻonui iaʻu i ka ʻike, akā ʻo ka poʻe pū kekahi. Ua ʻoi aku koʻu manaʻo hāmama ma mua o koʻu wahi e noho ai ma mua e pili ana i ka hele ʻana e inu no ka inu ma hope o ka papa a me ka ʻae ʻana i nā hoʻolālā ma ka laulā.



he mau hoa aloha i kofe Westend61 / kiʻi kiʻi Getty

7. E kiʻi i ka poʻe āu i ʻike ai

ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā hoaaloha āu i hana ai a loaʻa wale i ke kūlanakauhale āu i neʻe aku nei. (ʻO ia ka mea e maʻalahi ai kēia mea āpau.) Hōʻike ʻo Julie e launa me nā hulina maʻamau - e ʻōlelo, kekahi mea ma ka ʻaoʻao nui o ke koleke, akā noho ʻoe i kou kaona hou - a hana i nā hoʻolālā. Inā ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo he aloha ʻoe i kekahi mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ma ia wahi a nīnau inā makemake lākou e kaʻana like i kā lākou punahele punahele ma luna o ke kofe. I kekahi manawa kaomi ʻoe a kau hou aku, i kekahi manawa ʻaʻole pēlā, akā i kēlā me kēia ala, hoʻokau ʻoe iā ʻoe iho ma waho - a hele wāwae paha ʻoe me kahi ʻike nui e pili ana i kou home hou.

8. Hana i nā hana āpau e ʻoki iā ʻoe iho i kahi lohi

I ke kūlanakauhale hou, maʻalahi ka paʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho e pili ana i ka nele o ka pūnaewele - akā pili ka mālama pono ʻana iā ia iho, ke hiki ke hana hoaaloha, wahi a Mary, kekahi wahine i neʻe hou i kona ʻohana no ka hana. Mai puhi iā ʻoe iho i ka hele ʻana i ka hui kaiaulu ma hope o ka hōʻuluʻulu pilikanaka, i ʻōlelo ʻo ia. E waiho i kahi lā buffer - a i ʻole nā ​​lā - i kāu pule i mālama ʻia nāu wale nō. No ke aha mai? Hoʻohui hou ʻo ia: I kekahi manawa ua overbook wau iaʻu iho no ka mea e hoʻāʻo ana wau e hoʻokau iaʻu iho i laila, akā ʻo ka hāʻawi ʻana iā ʻoe iho i kahi manawa o ka manawa e ʻoi aku ka noʻonoʻo a me ka kamaʻilio kamaʻilio maikaʻi pū kekahi. He manawa kūpono maikaʻi nō hoʻi ia e launa pū me kāu mau hoaaloha kahiko, nāna e hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe i nā mea āpau āu e aloha ai e pili ana iā ʻoe iho a hoʻolilo iā ʻoe, a, maikaʻi. ʻO kahi ʻāpana o ke kūkulu hou ʻana i kāu pūnaewele a hoʻomaka i kahi hou e noho mau ana me ʻoe ʻo ʻoe ke kumu. He aha ke ala ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi e hana ai ma mua o ke kāhea ʻana i kahi hoaaloha i ʻike iā ʻoe i ka ʻoi loa a ʻo wai ʻoe e hoʻoiho ai e pili ana i kāu ʻike e waiho ana iā ʻoe iho i laila i kahi wahi hou? Aia ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻohe ʻano ʻoi loa o ka R&R.

Pili: Pehea e hana ai i mau hoa aloha ʻelua āu * ʻelua